Mutual of Omaha!

Yes, I live in the city, but you'd think that I live out on the freakin' prairie! GOOOODmornin' Mr. Skunk! He blasted my dog right in the kisser at about 8:15a- what the hell- I thought that they sleep in the day time?! Even Worse- my client (a Yorkie) got it too- thankfully not as badly as Sunny. The little stink ball slips past me and proceeds to run upstairs and hide under my bed- I could just die! After throwing a couple of slippers at him (I had no choice, he was in the middle of the bed and I couldn't reach him), he came out from under the bed enough where I could nab him.

So, I call my husbear (his name is Steve but everyone calls him Bear or the Bear) to come home for back-up; fortunately his office is 10 minutes from home. It's now 8:20 and G has to get to school at 9 AND P is still sleeping and I knew that she is going to wake at any given moment with all of the commotion.

Sunny is outside rolling in the grass, dirt, mulch and even up and down the length of the fence- JUST to be sure that he smears ALL of that lovely Eau d' Pepe over the entire yard. I have to say, the worst part is that my dog is not exactly the most amicable patient- in all honesty, he's the A-Hole of the animal kingdom, the Hannibal Kujo Lechter of the dog world. Naturally, I need to use a muzzle, or as I like to call it: Silence of the Head (one of his many nicknames is Headla)....fortunately, the Bear gets home just in time to take G to school, and then wash ole schtink-face.

There is one thing you need to know about my dog Sunny, and that in his past life he was a Theatre Star! Max! The lights! REALLY, his personality is the equivalent of an aging theatre queen where you can just see him reminiscing the days of yore....."...I was a star, damn it, a star I say! They all adored me!"... and then the lamenting... "....now I'm just a has-been, all washed-up, if they only had an ounce of the talent I hold in the tip of my tail, they would be lucky!"....I know it's all absurd, but if you know Sunny, you would understand what a bitch he is. There is also his Jesus phase- but I'll get in to that some other time.

MAN! would I love to live trap the skunk(s) some how, and take them to Berni Stone's office and just let 'em loose! It has been almost 4 years of nothing but schtinky-schtank- we're talking putrid-eye-watering-spit-on-the-ground-gag-o-rama, with a side of the horking-gag sound....I didn't want to kill these vermin before- but now it's war!

EZ

Thanks to Phaneromania

Well P., you dun did it! I am officially set up to get this sh*t started- WHAT a can of worms! I'm at the dining room table/office/art cart- with my 2-1/2 year old (going in 14) daughter- also a "P", whom is happily painting and sticking Elmo stickers onto a huge pad of paper- markers are out in full force too...

Seems as though I will be peeling some of those Elmo stickers off of the floor....I have to get in the shower and de-stink before I p/u the G man at school- his last week of Pre-K! He is so psyched about Kindergarten (in September), that at night before bed, all last week, he kept saying- "S0 tomorrow I start Kindergarten! I'm so excited!!"- I hate to deflate his enthusiasm, but I have to tell him (as to spare him from disappointment the following morning) that "No, not tomorrow- September- you have summer camp with Niko ALL summer- Every day! THEN when summer camp is done, you will be all ready for Kindergarten!"

He sighs, then gets happy about spending every day this summer with his bestest friend in the whole wide world! I'm simultaneously happy and totally depressed that he will be in camp from 10-3 every day- I just ADORE him and his company, I will miss him SO much every day- I can already feel the lump in my throat forming and my colon ready to blow....freakin' digestive tract always has to chime in with expression when I'm feeling intense emotion- Put a cork in it lady!

AND so sounds the phone- to the tune of "Won't you call me sweetheart"....my husbear to the rescue.
EZ